Blindsided

So I had a really good day with the kids acting well. My hardest child told me that today was his last day.  While he was so hard, I will miss him. We have come so far. He would not let go of my hand the entire day practically and told me that he will never forget me and that he loves me. I hugged him and basically let him play computer games all day so there was no way he could get in trouble. Hey I wanted him to end on a good note. Then my parent volunteers gave my class an egg hunt. It was a great day! Then after I dropped my kids in, I walked into my classroom to find my boss wanting to talk to me. 


She was not smiling or anything. I instantly felt sick. What did I do? She asks me to sit. She explains that there will not be a few more requirements for me. I now have to give her daily lesson plans to fix and objectives for everything that I teach. I felt like I was in trouble. They only do this for people when they are not satisfied with your performance. I began to get a migraine and get very sick. So I just sat there, took the what I felt was punishment and said OK like I was in trouble. She did not tell me any of the specifics. I asked if this is because of JPAS and she said she does not think I passed. All I heard was, "You are a failure" in my mind no matter what she said. I tried to sound grateful and professional, was I was mad. How dare they hold me to the same standards as someone who had taught for 4 mo. longer and had procedures established. How dare they get me in trouble for teaching sick. I was mad and angry. So I just sat and stared and cried. I cried for hours straight and went to bed. They told me all would be decided when I returned back from Spring Break. So instead of starting Spring Break today, I had to postpone my plans. Life sucks!


P.S. I woke up today and felt a little better. I decided to arrange a meeting with my boss and defend myself and get some things clarified. I used the excuse that I had a migraine and did not feel like talking yesterday but I want to talk. She agreed for when I get back to have an informal meeting. Hopefully I will have a job when I get back.