More changes

So an update on Thursday and Friday. Pinkeye is going around my classroom so we spent 15 min cleaning and sanitizing the room. Hey it stopped the stomach flu. Hopefully I won't get it until at least after Mon. I find out if I passed JPAS on Monday with my meeting with my boss and the other principal. I am so nervous for that meeting. I have been so busy with grad school stuff and trying to stay afloat. We as a team held a meeting to discuss one of my students that I cannot handle. We are going to try an alarm and self checker system. Maybe that will work. I am willing to try anything. I had another meeting with my boss to discuss it but she seamed more overwhelmed than I did and sort-of blew me off. I feel like I should be able to handle this by myself but I cannot. When I asked one of the teachers to take her for a day to see if it is me, no one volunteered. 

Oh and after school, I was asked to move to the 4th grade next year. I am still in shock. I think it will be a good change but I have spent a lot of time and energy on first grade and don't really want to box it up. I also am having my sweet new student replaced with a hard student that only speaks Spanish. I don't mind having the crumbled up piece of paper students that I get to mold into a masterpiece. However, just once I would like to already have a masterpiece that I can enjoy and not have to stress over. Only three days to my two-week vacation.:))

Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Today was horrible! We could not sit still, stop talking, etc... I wanted to scream, cry, and pull out my hair. Thank heavens I only had one observation and I think it went well. I had 21/22 kids and it was tough! Then they told me I have to document pretty much everything I do with the kids in this huge binder daily. Sure lets add one more on to my plate. To add to the day, one of the lunch workers yelled at me in front of my students for not having my kids in order. Not just raised her voice but yelled. I wanted to cry. Whenever I was student teaching and I had a hard day, my cooperating teacher would say, start the next day with a book and explain that we all had a bad day but that does not mean today cannot be great. Reevaluate goals and don't focus on the day before. It is great advice. So tomorrow, I am going to read, "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very, Bad Day." I just hope it is not a bad week.

A near-perfect day:))

Wow where do I begin. My new student is amazing! She is the sweetest child and already loves me. My class welcomed her in with open arms and treated her like she had been here the whole time. I love my class! Twenty-two first graders is a lot of work but 5 went home sick and two were already home sick so it was a great day. I feel bad to say that my day goes better when certain students are not there but it does. I love all of my students equally but some students are just easier. I love them more when they make my life easier, not harder. However, I love finding a solution to my tough kid's problems and seeing how much they have grown.

Anyway, I found some newspapers in the recycle bin and I thought that my students would enjoy learning about current events (praying there was not bad pics or bad stories in them:) Oh my goodness, I have never seen first graders so excited. It was like I told them I am taking them all to Disneyland. Seriously, they were showing me the weather, their spelling words in them, the funnies, the ads, etc... It was awesome to see them see a newspaper, many, for the first time. It was Christmas in our classroom! They even chose their writing prompts from the newspaper.

The music teacher cancelled music and did not tell anyone. I would not have cared except that is when I eat lunch because I had lunch duty. So I borrowed a movie, had someone watch my class, and ate lunch. Thank heavens I did because right after that, we had visitors.Yep, I had an inclination that I would be JPASed during writing so to be prepared. Well I was and it went very well. Well I feel it did. I am amazed at those times when I feel like an evaluation went well and the evaluator disagrees. I find out next Mon so we will see.

I was so impressed with my kids that they earned, get this...82 compliments! They acted very well while I was getting JPASed. Plus, my intern was in the room helping out with my last hardest kid! It went very well. Hopefully my bad JPAS when I was sick can be countered with this good JPAS. Favorite quote of the day, "Miss Newbold, Mrs._______ and Mr._________ were whispering that we were acting so good." I rewarded them by letting them play math centers until the end of the day. So if I still get evaluated daily then ok but if not, that is ok too. I am definitely being watched over:)

Another new student and more responsibilities

Well today was a pretty good day. The kids were pretty good right up until the end of the day. My three hardest kids were reduced to 1 hard kid. At the end of the day, I was told I would be getting another student. What!? I just got a new student. Well apparently they don't trust one of the teachers with another student because she was dismissed, two already have the max limit, one is a long-term sub, one we are not sure why and then there leaves me. So I had to copy one more of everything, assigned groups to the student, get an extra desk, rearrange my room to fit one more, etc... Having a new student is a lot of work. Twenty-two students!!! Can I handle this??


One more day without JPAS:)

Good, Exhausting Day

I am sooooo tired. I almost fell asleep in my class today after work. I was so tired that I mistaked the janitor for a teacher. Aye aye aye! Anyway I had six kids gone today. The day went great! I get observed daily either by my principal, mentor, someone at the district office, my coach, or a visiting principal. Sometimes more than one show up at once. The pros: if your kids are doing well and are interacting with you, you get a good rating and when it comes time to do layoffs, you have more than one person who can go to bat for you. Also if your kids are doing well and you are teaching well than your principal gets to brag about you. Cons: If your kids are not doing well, it is the opposite of the above statements. Honestly except for JPAS, I have aced every other observation from college to now. I just wished I would not have failed the only observation that determines if I stay in the district or not.


Anyway my kids were great for both observations--thank heavens! We got everything accomplished and it was an overall successful day:)

Good Times are Back!

Well these last two days have been great! My principal came in and talked to my class. She told them and I told them that I am not going anywhere. We had a discussion on some of their questions and fears. Wow I felt horrible! They have been scared of so many things. So for the most part, they are back to normal. Hopefully they will stay that way for JPAS so I can continue having a job (and of course them learning;) We made ice cream yesterday and they loved it. They each got to make their own individual bag and it was fun to watch them make it for the first time. Plus, they practiced their measuring skills and science. We also measured ourselves on butcher paper. They are sooo cute:)


I had three observations today and I did great! Wow thank heavens my kids are back! I also started my Spanish in Real World class. Ahh hopefully my students do well on their measurement test tomorrow. Cross your fingers. When we reviewed, they seemed like they all knew it. Funny quote of the day: Me:"______ how did you get that answer? Child: I looked forward and did not look at anyone's board this time." Of course my principal was in there and started cracking up laughing with me. He just admitted he had been cheating and did not realize it. Kids say the darndest things.


Oh happy day:))

My kids are plotting against me...seriously!

So my kids were horrible today and I was so close to yelling. But I didn't. Yes I know I just started a sentence with but, but I wanted to make a point. Anyway, we discovered that my kids are mad at me and are punishing me. They all decided they are not going to listen to me...anything that I say and therefore not learn. What happened is I left in the middle of the day to go be sick in the privacy of my own home and bathroom. Well apparently the sub did not come so they were abandoned or so they felt. I came back and they decided to punish me. I had a near perfect class, I got sick and then dun..dun...dun..dun...terrible class. My kids are emotionally traumatized. They just were letting their guard down and then I left them and now my class hates me. So I asked my principal to come in and explain it to them. The worst part is the parents think that I am going to quit as well or got fired so they are telling their kids. Why did I have to get a traumatized group? I love each and everyone of those kids but they are a. not allowing me to pass JPAS and b. making me feel like I want to quit.

TGIF

I have never been so grateful for Friday to come. I had my "meeting" with my observer to discuss my bad lesson. Yep, he agreed it was horrible but he used professional terms to I guess make me feel less pathetic, "there is definite room for improvement." I wanted to scream, cry, puke, run, etc... that it is not my fault. So he discussed ways I can improve and suggestions. I still was feeling like I mentioned above but I swallowed all of that and thanked him and promised next time he will see a good lesson. I spoke to my principal and the two of them put me on an intervention. Which means I will be observed daily by my principal, my coach and possibly this visiting principal until I improve. Perfect. Oh well there is nothing I can do or they can do so I just have to suck it up and do it. I also had a parent meet with the new principal but nothing was accomplished so I was mad. What is it with me being frustrated and angry now. I didn't use to experience those emotions. Now it seems like one thing or another frustrates me or makes me downright mad.

Ahh sometimes things are not so glamorous as a first year teacher.

What a freakin long day! Oh my gosh!! Ok so I decided to go back to work...big mistake! I walk in to find my room a complete disaster. I mean even my personal things were strewn about. I am guessing the substitute because I know my kids would not do that. Then I find my boss wanting to talk to me. Apparently my sub did not show up when I left early. Perfect. Then I got a parent phone call and another parent came in to see if I was fired. My goodness I take one one sick day and everyone thinks the worst. The parent thought that she got me in trouble or fired because she saw a immediate opening for a first grade teacher. My boss and I could not stop laughing. Then my mentor came in with an assignment that I have to do by the end of May. This all happened before school started. I suddenly wanted to go back to bed.


Then my kids were horrible today. I guess with all of the subs, they forgot how to act. So I decided to just get through the day. After all, it was not like anyone was going to observe me my first day back. Right? Wrong!! After recess, my principal walks in from someone from the district to do what? JPAS me! Yep, the biggest observation of my career. Am I ready? Nope. I suddenly get my flu-like symptoms back--all of them. I have many thoughts running through my head. How am I not going to throw up in front of them or worse? I thought of running away? I thought of faking a heart attack, seizure, etc... Then I decided to just go face the music and do my best. Mistake #2--it was horrible. My kids were horrible. I had to kick kids out pretty much. I had to do so many things as nauseous as I was and I wanted to scream at my kids. They have NEVER been that bad. I wanted to cry. So I talked to my boss afterwards and she didn't seem to be hopeful that I passed. She just said well if you did not, we will help you. 


So I think I am good to go, right? Mistake #3--I check my email and find out one of my observers wants to discuss it with me early tomorrow. So I cleaned and sanitized my room, wrote lesson plans, and went to Walmart for our St. Patrick's Day celebration tomorrow. Before I left, I was asked to proofread a recommendation letter for my team lead. I am so exhausted!


Good thing: I acted out the "Three Little Pigs and kept my students engaged for 1 hour! I didn't pass out or throw up.

Sick Day(s)

Yep, I went to school without a voice and when I threw out my neck, but this time I had no choice but to go home sick. I will spare you the details but lets just say I lived in the bathroom until they could find me a sub (which took 2 hours) They told me that if they could not find me a sub, I had to stay. "Ok I will just have my kids read all day while I date the toilet," I thought to myself. Luckily my team sent me home and they found someone. They also got me a sub for tomorrow. So I had to write sub plans and email them to my team lead, reschedule all of my observations and take off tomorrow. Ahhh it is so much easier to be sick when you are not a teacher. I feel so bad for my kids having all of these subs. I just hope and pray that they do ok and it does not affect their learning.


I don't take sick days!

Overall good day:)

So today was good. We discussed changes with my class, I got a new coach, and school went overall smoothly. It really is weird having your friend as your principal, especially when we are trying to be professional: Mrs._________ and Miss Newbold instead of Natalie and ________. She even stepped out of her jeans and casual clothes to a dress. It was weird:) I suddenly realize that I don't want to be an administrator anymore...she was in meetings until the cows came home today.


Lesson reflections: We did bum writing where they pretend their bottoms are a pencil. Then they write their spelling words with them. I saw it done at another school. What an ab workout! I also taught capacity in math with real life objects. Oh my goodness, they loved it! Hopefully it sunk in. I was using one container that I think was growing mold. So when I opened it, I about threw up. So my entire class wanted to smell it on their way to their desks. Hey science right? Speaking of science, we watched a science movie with popcorn making all of the other first graders jealous. But hey my kids were angels last week especially for a substitute. So we have a popcorn maker at school (the kind at a movie theatre), so I thought hey a free party plus it is educational. I apologized to our janitor and offered to vacuum my room. It was awesome and I brought extra salt and let them independently pour it. They loved it!


I also introduced debate to my kids for the first time. It had some kinks but for the most part, it went very well. They are learning about opinions. My sentence was: "Everyone in Vernal likes dinosaurs!" I love the points they came up with. Even first graders have strong opinions. I started the lesson by saying some  emotion-rising statements like, "girls are better than boys," (I did have one boy agree - bless his heart)", "people who cry are wimps," etc... At first they wanted to agree with me because who wants to argue with the teacher. Than some brave souls told me they did not agree and the class soon followed. 


Overall it was a good day and it is past midnight and I am EXHAUSTED:l

What in the world!

So I had a great last day of the conference. I starred in a play, went line dancing, painted a portrait, and participated in a drum circle. Ahh the many hats of a teacher! No, it was very relaxing and fun. Then we got out early so I ordered Chinese food. I kept having this nagging feeling that I needed to go to work immediately. So I grabbed my food and booked it over there praying I would not get a speeding ticket. I walked in the door and just like last time I walked in the door, I was given some horrible news. Why do I ever leave...nothing good comes from it. I was told to go hug my principal because it is her last day! I about started to hyperventilate. I asked who the new principal was and I was told it would be my coach! What!??? So now my coach is my boss and my boss is my coach. I just sat there in shock literally ready to puke. For those who are close to me know that I do not do well with change and my body reacts violently to it. I grabbed my food and went to another teachers room because I could not be alone.


I found her and hugged her. I told her thank you for taking a chance on me. I started crying. Then she left and I was pulled in by my friend and new boss. I congratulated her and asked her how this was going to work for me. She told me she is still my coach but I will only be getting evaluated once a week instead of twice. She also told me that probably the superintendent or someone in his office is going to do my JPAS.


Then I get back to that teachers room to finish eating. When she tells me that she had just gotten laid off. That is why I got pulled into the conversation with my coach so my former principal could lay off the teacher I was with. I was shocked even more. I felt guilty for not being laid off because I have been here shorter than anyone and I was told I would be staying. I sat and listened to her vent and cry. Then even though none of us wanted to go to this district meeting, we went (mostly because we had to go). We drove 60 miles and went to it. Everyone was there talking about the change and venting to each other. It felt like we were morning somebody's life. Then I got recognized in the meeting because of my winning lesson and plan. I felt horrible because I had a very good day with the recognition, starring in the play, getting reimbursed from the district, having someone who I thought hated me but found out does not come and be super nice, but everyone around me did not so I did not. Everyone I get close to here, leaves me...without even a goodbye. That hurts.

Tired

Well I went to my arts core class where they teach you how to integrate all of the arts into what you teach everyday. Oh my goodness, I am so tired and sore. We sang, danced, drew, and performed a play in 8 hours. I was begging to leave...I was so tired. Then I went to school to see how things went. I heard my sub was fantastic! I hope the kids felt the same way:) I found out that the sub that I "fired" called today to talk to another of my team members. She said that she supported me and refused to call her back. My principal agreed with her. I also found out that anything that my principal wants me to do or whatever, she asks the teacher next to me to tell me. There has only been one time. She also is having her spy on me. Thank heavens that teacher loves me and has been reporting positive things:)

Moving on

Well I am trying to move on the best I can but it is still so hard. I want to go talk to her and tell her everything great that is happening to me. Only, she is not there to hear it. I am not keeping my feelings in...I am talking through them. I hate seeing what it is doing to her kids...destroying them. I hate it. I am so mad at the situation, I want to scream! How could she do this even after watching what the other teacher did to my kids! How can you love your kids and walk out on them? Her kids come to me in interventions just withdrawn and sad. They want to talk about it. They want to express their feelings. Now their substitute is going through many of the same challenges as I went through (see past blog posts). Maybe I was supposed to go through them to help her know how to deal with them. A similar incident happened on my mission. I had a horrible lesson and was crying. The next week, my companion had the same experience, so I knew how to help her. Actually that happened many times throughout my mission. Anyway I sent my coach over to help her as she has helped me. I wish I could show her how to do some things but I have my own class to teach.


Ok enough of that, I got a 90% on my last lesson and it was in the afternoon. So 98% in the morning and 90% in the afternoon: I can deal with that! Ok so two of my hardest students weren't there and if they had been, my percentage would have changed, but I will take the win:) No my kids are behaving so much better and learning so much. I am so proud of them! My coach is noticing it as well. I thought I was a good teacher and at times thought I did not need any help, but I can tell that I am getting better as well! JPAS did not happen this week either. :) So now that my kids are doing well, I need to help this substitute get her kids to do well as well.


Today and tomorrow they are going to have a substitute. I hope she is better than the last one and treats them with care and kindness. I hope they are respectful and obedient to her as well. I hope the lessons get taught and the days go smoothly. I hope that I learn a lot at this conference that can help my students. I hope that my coach will be able to help the substitute while I am gone. I hope they can work out all of the kinks and bugs with discipline and management. I just hope everyone has a great day!


Other news: I am studying for the Millers and actually doing well. I still am worried that my letters of recommendation for grad school won't be done in time for summer but I guess that is where faith and persistence comes into play. I am having my team leader, my principal, and my mentor do one. All they basically have to say is whether or not they think I can handle grad school. I also have to write my essay which I plan to do this week or weekend of why I want to go to grad school. Then hope and pray that I get accepted. Once accepted, apply for scholarships--all before April 1. Hopefully everything goes as planned. If not, there is always next semester.

No students but twice the work!

So today was a professional work day where we still had to go to work but the students were not there. The moment I walked inside I could tell it was going to be a "horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day."I was pulled into a classroom and was told that one of my favorite first grade team members I work with, quit. She quit like the teacher that I replaced. So we spent most of our day getting everything ready for our classes and hers. 


It felt like I had just found out a good friend committed suicide. I felt like I should have seen the warning signs. Every time I passed by her room or had to go inside it, I just started bawling. She didn't even say goodbye. As silly as this sounds I am going through the grieving process pretty hardcore. Actually as embarrassing as this is to admit, I got violently ill over it that I went into shock, guilt (like I should have seen it coming), anger (yes I was mad--how could she not say goodbye to me or her kids?, and I am in the state of depression. I did the same thing when an elder from my mission was sent home way too early. The only good thing that came from it was I got free stuff from her room and I hand picked her substitute. I emailed the head people at the district office requesting this substitute and they picked her over someone with a degree based on, I believe, my recommendation. I really did not know I had that much poll at the district office.:)


Tomorrow I have at least one observation and maybe JPAS. I am even too tired to study for MATs. Although I took some practice tests yesterday and did very well so hopefully... G'Night:)

Dr. Seuss' Birthday!

Even though we are celebrating Dr. Seuss all next week, we still had fun today. We had Smokey the Bear and a friend read, "The Lorax" with the first grade. It also was pajama day so I slept in an extra hour and wore my pjs to work:) I have the cutest picture of some of my class and I. I was very impressed with how quiet my kids were at the assembly. All of the other teachers had to move their kids and get after them. Mine I had to remind them to sit on their pockets but other than that, no. I also had to move a gifted child to come and stand with me because he was getting bored and causing problems. Then all of my tough kids wanted to stand with me.


One thing about me is I really try to not just punish my students but find out why they did what they did and get to the root of the problem. So with this student, he was acting out because he was bored. If I would have just said,"_________ sit up or you will clip down when we get back or whatever," I would have taken care of the surface of the problem. However, since I realized the root of the problem, I sent him out to get a drink and to stand by me. The behavior instantly was fixed and there was no hurt feelings or un-necessary punishment. Secret: I secretly love it when I bring my kids in from recess or we are walking somewhere and all of the other teachers are yelling at their kids to be quiet and I get to brag about my kids and say how quiet they are. Yep, I act sort of prideful in that moment.


Then the end of the day, we watched Dr. Seuss', "Chasing Rainbows while they created their own. I don't usually let them color because I think it is a waste of time when they have an art teacher, so this was a privilege for them and they loved it. After school, I went to a confrontations class. Which was good, because later I had to call the bad sub and request she not come back. It was hard. She was mad. She yelled, but I have to do what is best for my kids.

Day off--well sort of

So today my coach and I went to other schools for me to watch them. It was great! I got to see what I could be doing, what I am already doing and what I don't want to do. Then we went out for Chinese food, which I had been craving. It was good to take a break from my kids and spend a day with adults. Plus I learned a ton. Unfortunately, when I came back, I realized my students had been mistreated by their substitute and did not follow my lesson plans at all. Ahh I was so frustrated and starting to get angry, an emotion that I almost never show. I guess when it comes down to my little uns, if someone mistreats them, I become very defensive. I had someone today say, "when are your kids going to get it and stop leaving a mess." I suddenly became very defensive. No one says that about my kids except for me!