So today actually went pretty well. I had a student with ADHD and his mom lost his pills so to keep me sane, I let him play games all day. I mean he was crazy!!! Then I went to team meeting and a district specialist was there and the principal. Things are going very well and then he says basically who has______ student because he is doing horrible (his words were worse). I said I did and he starts asking me what I am doing to help him. I tell him and I mention he is getting retained. My principal is backing me up to him. He gets so mad that we are retaining him. Then I mention we are looking into special education. He is totally against that as well. So he was telling me everything I should not do but not offering me any suggestions for what I could do. I asked and he said, "that is a tough one, I don't know." I was thinking to myself well I am not allowed to say that I don't know, I have to perform and get results. So let's just say, I was not the nicest person I could have been towards him. Then I just shut down. I basically was told that I am not utilizing my team, not doing everything possible to help my kids, etc... or maybe that is just how I took it. So after realizing I could have not gotten so defensive, I prayed to know what to do: apologize or leave it alone.
So those who know me, know I have the guiltiest conscience in the world and honestly would never intentionally hurt anyone. I also can only recall two times in my entire adult life that I have ever gotten mad and one was on my mission. Anyway, I decided to swallow my pride and send him a thank you email thanking him for taking his time out of his district duties to help my struggling student. People, I really had to swallow a lot of pride for this email. He made me feel worthless and he embarrassed me in front of my entire team and boss. However, I sent the email anyway. Well he told me that the issues he brought up about me and my student, I will learn in the next three years. I took that as, I am sorry, I forgot that you have only taught for 1 mo and don't know what you are doing yet. I am told I will know what I am doing in about 3 years. He told me I can go to him at any time but to utilize my team.
Also good news, a good 1/3 of my students passed our math test with flying colors! I have never used so many stickers in my life. Also many of them have jumped 3-4 reading levels in one day! I just had to call their parents and practically scream how excited I was! My job is to get all of my students on an H by the end of the year. Well now instead of a few being on close to G, I now have a good 1/2! I could not be prouder of them and their parents. They are all working so hard.
Here is a poem I wrote to describe my feelings about myself right now.
I am a teacher.
I am not perfect.
I have faults.
I get impatient.
I sometimes wonder if I will ever be a good teacher.
I deal with new challenges everyday.
I am a strict disciplinarian.
I expect the world from my students, myself and their parents.
I see miracles happen daily.
Some days I want to scream.
Some days I want to cry.
Some days I want to do cartwheels and jump up and down.
Some days I do all 3 in a hour time.
Some days I teach well.
Some days I just try to get through it.
I love my students more than myself.
I am a teacher and
I love it!
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